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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 12:12:20 AM
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I met this girl, i think she is perfect. She is very smart, nice, she can be extreamly funny, we get along very well, and we can have actual conversations together. I asked her if she would like to date. She obviously said "no". She said she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. I don't want to invade her privacy, so i won't to into to much detail, but she said, in an email, that she doesn't see herself having a boyfriend. As of right now, we are just friends.
Any advice?
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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Aaron Cake
Administrator
Canada
6718 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 09:38:59 AM
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Well, this is a new tangent for this forum. The dating advice thread! 
Women-speak is almost impossible for men to decode. It has been like that since the dawn of time, and will be like that until the universe expands to the point where it implodes upon itself...Therefore this could mean anything. I give it a 20% chance of it meaning that she actually doesn't want a boyfriend, a 60% chance of meaning that the doesn't want you as a boyfriend and a remaining 40% chance that is an excuse for almost anything. Yes, those numbers don't add up but we are dealing with women here so that's to be expected.
Now, the real question is whether or not this is acceptable for you. I have a few very close girl friends, none of which have ever turned me down for a date primarily because I did not ask. If you are going to be her friend knowing that you have the warm-fuzzies for her then are you prepared to deal with everything that comes along (her actual boyfriend and their issues, etc.)? If not, then there's no harm in saying "I don't want a girl friend. I have plenty of friends. I want a girlfriend. If this is not acceptable then this won't work." other then the fact that you're both in highschool and the associated social problems an immaturity will apply...
Also if you are both under 16 then that's probably too young for dating anyway (which I know from bitter experience).
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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
Posted - Jun 13 2006 : 12:05:54 PM
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Yah. I know, it is a scarry thought. Women and electronics are a dangerous combination...
It is a well known fact that women are just plain unpredictable. Yes, were are both in highschool, but supprisingly she is very mature, especially for her age. She isn't the type who wares makeup(too often), and worrys about how she looks(exept for at conventions).
As for the whole age thing, i dissagree. I think it is healthy for people to date fairly young. Even if it doesn't turn out for the greatest, you still have that knowledge of what to do, and what not to do. Then, in my opinion, you(people in general) will have a harder time when it comes to actuall serious dating.
Oh, and to answer your question, i'm most-likely in the 60% range, more or less, probably more. lol.
See, that is the problem with women, in my opinion. They don't give the geeks a chance. If they would just give us a chance, then we could actually show them what "we" can be like.
So, yah
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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Aaron Cake
Administrator
Canada
6718 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2006 : 11:03:11 AM
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quote:
Yes, were are both in highschool, but supprisingly she is very mature, especially for her age. She isn't the type who wares makeup(too often), and worrys about how she looks(exept for at conventions).
Yeah, I used to think that too.  Then I grew up.  Highschool != maturity no matter what anyone thinks. This I have learned (and I know this is going to sound bad...) from dating girls in highschool when I was...how should I put this....not in highschool. I think we'll leave it there...
quote:
As for the whole age thing, i dissagree. I think it is healthy for people to date fairly young. Even if it doesn't turn out for the greatest, you still have that knowledge of what to do, and what not to do. Then, in my opinion, you(people in general) will have a harder time when it comes to actuall serious dating.
Yeah, I used to think that too. Then I grew up. (there seems to be a pattern emerging).
quote:
See, that is the problem with women, in my opinion. They don't give the geeks a chance. If they would just give us a chance, then we could actually show them what "we" can be like.
Not quite true. Highschool girls don't give "geeks" a chance because they are immature and overly concerned with stereotypes and how others see them. In the real world, women have learned that the geeks are the winners and the ones most likely to be successful and tend to their needs (that being money ).
Edited by - Aaron Cake on Jun 14 2006 11:03:58 AM |
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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2006 : 11:55:51 AM
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Say what you must. I figured this topic would end up discussing maturity, and age.
I do agree with the last part of what you wrote. Although it doesn't say what i said, it still ends up with the same outcome: me without a girlfriend.
Back to the age thing. When you were my age (under 18), you had one prespective of the world. Now that you are what? 25ish? You now have a new and "greater" prespective of the world. But in 10+ years, you will have a yet even newer prespective of how the world works. Once you get there, you will look back at what you were like now, and think to yourself "God, i was so wrong about alot of things." Then in another 10+ years, it will all repeat. See a pattern?
As you said yourself, the things you know now, you know from past experiances. But what you are tring to do, is take away my chance at learning new things(not sex, i totaly disagree with underage sex).
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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Aaron Cake
Administrator
Canada
6718 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 09:50:25 AM
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quote:
Say what you must. I figured this topic would end up discussing maturity, and age.
I do agree with the last part of what you wrote. Although it doesn't say what i said, it still ends up with the same outcome: me without a girlfriend.
So what? I have not had a girlfriend for 5 years. Doesn't really bother me...And at 16 what does it matter anyway? There are plenty of other things to do with your time and there is no need for a girlfriend. If it's your goal to get one, then the reason must be considered otherwise you are going to end up in an unhappy relationship for the sake of being in one (seen it so many times it's not even funny...). Let it happen and things work out much better.
quote:
Back to the age thing. When you were my age (under 18), you had one prespective of the world. Now that you are what? 25ish? You now have a new and "greater" prespective of the world. But in 10+ years, you will have a yet even newer prespective of how the world works. Once you get there, you will look back at what you were like now, and think to yourself "God, i was so wrong about alot of things." Then in another 10+ years, it will all repeat. See a pattern?
Absolutely. That's sort of the point I was getting at. Maturity is a finite quality that can only come with experience (not necessarily age). I used to not really believe this until a few years ago I learned that lesson 1st hand and the hard way. We won't get into it, but obviously it involved a girl (my fiance...) and ended up destroying an entire peer group, several websites and really put me in an awful place for a few weeks.
Obviously I'm not saying this will happen to you but I think my major point is that looking from a different prospective will show that highschool and maturity are two words that should not go together unless separated by the qualifier "lack of". The only consequence is that she might not take your ultimatum (if you chose to deliver it) very well and thus a whole 'nother set of problems is created (ie. no way to be friends).
quote:
As you said yourself, the things you know now, you know from past experiances. But what you are tring to do, is take away my chance at learning new things(not sex, i totaly disagree with underage sex).
You asked for advice, I gave it. Doesn't mean you have to follow. I'm great at ignoring advice, throwing caution into the wind and then jumping in where angels fear to tread. Most of the time it works, but when it doesn't LOOK OUT.
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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
Posted - Jun 15 2006 : 12:52:37 PM
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I don't want a girlfriend, i would like one. I realize all of the horrible things that can happen while dating a gril. But just because thoes things can happen, doesn't mean they will happen (like you said, i think).
I have had a few girlfriends, but the only reason they dated me, was because they just wanted to have a guy to brag about. As you can probley tell, i ended most of them on my own. There was one girl, whom i also really liked, that actually dated me because she liked me. The reason that ended is because we were WAY to young (6th grade).
I am just trying to say, "It has happend to me too". As you yourself said "Maturity is a finite quality that can only come with experience (not necessarily age)". I don't concider myself an experianced expert, but i do think i have enough experiance to realize what could go wrong.
Like i said previously, i don't want i girlfriend, i would like one. I have honestly never had a relationship that has lasted for more than five months. I would like to see if all of the work is worth it too me. I'm sorry, but i can not take decide over a bunch of words on the screen, i would like to feel the "Pros" and the "Cons" of dating myself. Who knows, maybe you are 100% right? But maybe, just maybe, you are wrong, and it will all be fine? Since i can not predict the future, or women, i geuss it is all going to have to be a foggy, up-hill battle?
Anyways, if we could please forget about "weather i should do it or not", because i have already decide i like her, and wan't to try one last pathetic time, do you have any advice on how to get her to think "higher" of me?
Oh, and i almost forgot. Earlyer, i said women don't give geeks a chance... I ment women my age, i know older women give older geeks a chance, yes, because of money.
Also, i'm not angry. I read this over before i posted it, and i could see how someone would get the fealing that i am mad.
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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Aaron Cake
Administrator
Canada
6718 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2006 : 10:52:32 AM
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To make a girl like you...the eternal question.
No idea on that one. You could try doing the friend thing and see what develops. My theory on all male on female friendships is that it is always based (at least in the start) on some sort of attraction. All my female friends have grudgingly admitted this, so I take that as pretty decent proof.
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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2006 : 12:31:12 PM
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Ok. It is worth a shot. Thanks,
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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skater4life
Apprentece
United Arab Emirates
11 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2006 : 09:18:17 AM
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Hey Guys... you have made alot of sence... but i must agree with mark... since he must be around my age... thinking of exact same things abt girls... and making the wrong choices... ok well you guys have propably have gone trough all this stuff at my age... but this is my case...
I really like this girl.... well i think i actually fell in love with her... but she obviousely knew coz i have beed good mates with her mates... i told them everything that i felt about her ... and that i really did like her alot... we used to hang around quite alot ... i always used to tell her how much i really did like her ... and i also did tell her ... that i dont think a single guy would like her as much as i did... and i think thats true... coz she didnt have a boyfriend in quite a while... but i didnt exactly see her point in not liking me ... so i asked her out ... she obviousely said no... she said she really liked me only as a friend... but i told her ... how can u like someone as a friend when they would basically die for you? she said she just didnt know ... sometimes at parties we used to talk for hours about all that has happened... and i tied hard on making her like me ... but nothing has worked out...
She said she did not like me how i did ... and she also said that she will never have feelings for me... but then at that same day ... she walked off after saying that ... she went to talk to her friends... and i was basically in tears... after hearing that ... she went to talk to her friends.. i thought it was over... so i was like fuck it ... this isnt the end of the world... so i went and started talking to other girls at the party... she noticed that ... then talked to her friends and they came to me... saying that she does like me ... but i was like thats absolute bullshit ... because she already said she doesnt... how much point is there of me trying again? They said that she said whenever she isnt with me ... she wants me badly... but when she is with me she doesnt want me at all... what kind of a feeling is that?
So ... i walked back to her ... and talked again... she said fine... lets just take it slow... and i did... i still although liked her ... didnt stop. after a few weeks i did tell her i still liked her as much... and guess what she said... she said look ... i already told u i dont like you get over it i never will no matter what you do... i was gonna kill myself... after trying for almost 2 months of getting this relationship it all fell apart... I also smoked at that time... and she hates smokers... i quit just for her... for around a month i didnt smoke... and after everything fell apart... in 2 weeks time after that ... i began smoking again ... and we were at a party once again... and she said what ! i thought u quit smoking for me... and i said ... what exact point would there be quitting for you... if u dont even like me... and what difference is it going to make to you even if u never will go out with me... she buggered off...
We still are friends... but i dont know if i have feelings for her or i dont ... because last night i had a dream abt her... that we were at another party... and that we got off... and she pushed me back saying i dont like you.... so is it me missing her that much? i dont exactly think abt her alot... and is there anything you guys could possibly advice me on getting her back or just say fuck it and leave it all alone... because i dont want to end up in tears again...
Or should i just find another girl that would actually like me ... and not fuck up 3 months of my lifetime on total bullshit?... My name is Slava...
Please reply back ... With an advice or ... something i could do... thanks alot guys. peace
If Skateboarding Isnt A Good Career... Then What Is ? |
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Aaron Cake
Administrator
Canada
6718 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2006 : 09:32:58 AM
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Highschool....
I think it's fairly obvious that she has no interest in you. There's nothing you can do to make someone like you. Really, if there was, would you want to anyway? Think about it.
And trust me, you'll get over it. I'm betting that you don't believe that, but it's true. This will become such a tiny part of your life that years from now you will look back and laugh at how small it is...
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skater4life
Apprentece
United Arab Emirates
11 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2006 : 09:43:42 AM
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Yeah i guess so... but isnt being romantic what mostly girls like? i mean they are mostly into romantic and sweet guys... well yeah i guess you are right ... haha infact i bet in abt a few years of time... she will end up completely not liked ... and left alone with no guys and propably remember me... thinking how stupid she was... and should have went out with me... things change i agree... yeah definetely fuck it... there isnt anything i can do... and i wont be trying to ... she had her chance of a nice perfect guy... she didnt accept it being loved... her choice... i just realised it ... but what if she likes me in the matter of time... should i like her back? or just tell her what she told me ... that i dont have any feelings for her? so she would feel exactly the way i felt?... Jesus Christ... girls are so very complicated in life... so very different ... neways dude ... thanks for replying ... i wouldnt mind staying in touch with u for more advices... have u got messenger? if u do do u mind if i have ur addy? or i could just reply to this thread... thanks alot once again.
If Skateboarding Isnt A Good Career... Then What Is ? |
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Aaron Cake
Administrator
Canada
6718 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2006 : 10:23:49 AM
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Girls think they're complicated. Really, they're just guys with tits (quote from a friend of mine a few weeks ago). Especially at the high school level...At that level they are not in the least interested in "sweet" guys, mainly those who have a high social standing and who their friends think are "hot". I'm generalizing here because of course there are exceptions.
There's a major difference between love an infatuation. You'll discover that soon enough. Everyone thinks they know the difference when they're young.
My advice? Cut your losses and divert your energies to something more productive.
There's a reason I didn't date in high school.
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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2006 : 5:08:32 PM
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quote:
well yeah i guess you are right ... haha infact i bet in abt a few years of time... she will end up completely not liked ... and left alone with no guys and propably remember me... thinking how stupid she was... and should have went out with me..
What ever puts you to sleep at night(I don't mean to be rude, but, seriously).
quote:
is there anything you guys could possibly advice me on getting her back
DO NOT DO ANY THING STUPID! You will greatly regret it later in life.
I am guessing (i don't mean to sterotype) since you smoke and are a skater, and go to partys with girls, i can bet there is alcohol at these partys, yes?
Just think; One night you two are at a party, and you get drunk. Let's say you have your drivers licence, or you stole a car. You two get to talking, and you ask her out again. She asks you to go somewere private; So you both go to your car. You start driving, while you are talking. [now your heart is pounding so fast, you sware she can hear it]. She says 'No', again, and you ask why. She explains to you why she doesn't like you, also again. [Now your heart is beating really really fast, and your blood pressure is beginning to rise]. Now you two get argruing very harshly. [This whole time, your foot is beggining to press down on the accelerator. The car is going faster, and faster, and faster].
You are looking at her, thinking how beautiful she is, and how much you want to be with her, you just wish she would give you a chance, but you also hate for not liking you. [Your car now starts to cross the center line, and you are going about 128kph]. Now, the love of your life, so you think, finaly looks out the windsheild, and screams; "LOOK OUT!!!!!!". You swerv to the left, then to the right, then back to the left(because you are drunk, and your car is now fish-tailing out of controll. Bang. A big-rig(or a semi, what ever you prefer), slams right into your car.
A few day later, you wake-up on a hospital bed. You ask one of the nurses; "What happend?". He/She replies; "Sir, you were in a car accident, you are lucky you made it out alive.". So, you then fall a-sleep. Over the night, your memory starts to come back. You start to remember that she was with you, the yelling. Then you wake up. You ask the doctor if she is ok. The doctor replies;
"Ahh, ehh, um, i'm sorry, but she didn't make it. She had extensive bleeding in her brain, and a broken kneck, we tried to stop it, but it was just, ehh, it was just to late. I'm so sorry. Can i get you anything?"
Now you are speech-less. You shake your head; "No". You yourself were lucky. The truck hit the passenger side of the vehicle. You were found in the wreck uncontious, and only suffered a concution, and a broken leg.
You now have all of these emotions, and thoughts running through your head. You wish you could kill yourself. The next day the police walk in;
"Sir, you are under-arrest for the murder of [girls first name] [girls last name], plus one account for drinking and driving, and failure to stop at numerous stopsigns."
Skater4Life, what i am trying to tell you, is that the best thing to do, is walk up to her, and say the following;
"[Her first name], i guess you are right. I have been a jerk the past three months, and i would like to apologize. Although i do not compleetly understand why you do not like me, i will respect your decision, and be happy with being just friends. I would also like it if you would help me quit smoking."
Do you have any idea how happy she will be if you say that to her? But please, only say it if you mean it. She will not only be happy that you apologized, but she will have a world of respect for you, because you want here you help you quit smoking.
Don't do anything dumb. Save both of your lives by making a mature decision about this. You will thank yourself in the future, ecspecially if you stop smoking.
Aaron is right. I know that me myself am too young to date, but i atleast can keep a straight head about it as well. I am not saying that you are stupid, but rather not thinking clearly.
As i said previously;
quote:
Even if it doesn't turn out for the greatest, you still have that knowledge of what to do, and what not to do.
Don't make that knowledge a negitave knoledge. Yes, learn from your mistakes, only if you are making rational mistakes.
Best of luck! Don't be stupid!
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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skater4life
Apprentece
United Arab Emirates
11 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2006 : 10:13:58 AM
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Wow ever thought about being a writer? well yeah i guess you could have put my mind back in place... but yeah there are alot of fish in the sea... basically theres still loads of choice... you dont have to be with the girl u once loved break ur heart... there are many others ... yeah i propably will tell her what u told me... and although i am not hoping that would change a thing ... because i already have apologised... and not once...
The point of it being is ... i guess she doesnt really go with me... i guess there is something else that she doesnt like about me ... maybe its not only smoking... you never know what girls think ... and i am pleatty sure u cant predict it ... anyways thanks for the advice once again... if i need another 1 ... i will definetely connect u guys ... thanks alot ... bye
If Skateboarding Isnt A Good Career... Then What Is ? |
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marks256
Mad Scientist
USA
402 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2006 : 11:10:27 AM
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If you have allready apologized more than once, then it wont mean a thing if you do it again. She allready know you are a lier right now. I say this because there must be a reason why you have apologized more than once.
Now the best thing to do, i just, forget about her. Yes, i know it is hard. I have been down the same road, back when i was in 7th grade(many years ago). You just have to understand that she is probley overwhelmed with all of this happening so fast. She probley can't grasp the consept of you liking her. This is not her fault, nor is it yours. This is due to age.
I guess i am answering my own question now! I guess Aaron is right? People our age don't have the mental capacity to "Multitask". We can't juggle our lovelife, along with rationality, can we? Because of our age, and our previous experiances(or the lack there of), we are mentaly incompetent of the situation.
When i was in elementary school, i was just a little jack ass. Seriously. I swore so much it wasn't even funny. In 4th grade, i hated math so much, i literaly NEVER handed in an assignment. In 6th grade, i hated math so much i always copyed answers from friends for my homework. I was getting C's and D's form 3rd grade, all the way to about 7th grade. I seriously had no friends worth being proud of. I almost got cought up in a gang, but i was smart enough to say "no". The reason all of this happend, is because i was so focused on being popular. Because if never payed attention in elementary, is the reason i am such a crappy speller. I was also very rude.
But guess what? Ever since 8th grade, i have been getting nothing but A's. Last year, i never got a grade lower than an A- on my report card. Now, my strongest subject is math. I now do math just for fun sometimes. I don't sware as much now. And out of all my classmates(78+), only about 2 of them don't like me. Yes, that i right. I am friends with just about every body in my grade, and a few people in other grades.
Want to know what caused such a drastic change? Technology. Serously. Electronics and computers changed my life. Once i learned how to program, my math skills sky-rocketed. Programming also broght my problemsolving skills to an extraordinary level(from debuging), it also greatly improved my level of patients. Electronics opened my level of thinking even more.
I would suggest you try to change your life for the better. This is not something you can just do. You have to find something that people will respect you for. Since people think i am so smart, and people understand the complexity of some of these tasks, i get alot more respect now, than i ever did.
I also realized that peopled like me more, just the way i am. Don't try to be someone else, man. I can bet you all the money in the world that you started smoking(and possibly drinking), because you thought it made you look more mature, and grown up. You thought chicks would think of it as hot? NO SIR! I can gaurentee you, that if you quit smoking, and drinking, and find something that interests you(like a hobby, that is worth being proud of), that girls will find you just as attractive, or even more atractive, than they do now. I can't make you cange yourself, but i would suggest doing something before someone gets killed, and that someone could very well be you and/or her.
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Knowledge is a dangerous weapon that humans should not be trusted with. |
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The perfect girl.......
